Fuck, I Hate You

I don't know any more... why do I even try with him. I know that he lies, but he's just so damn cute. Why? Why do I always seek the emotionally unavailable?... I continuously trap myself in this lonesome cubical called my mind... stuck under these bricks called feelings. I'm lost, that's definitely a fact but there's no one willing to come and find me, or at least I think there isn't... suddenly I feel stupid, or less than inadequate... worth less than being worthless... and I know you don't care, oh how I want you to care... to actually see that I'm a diamond in this coal stricken world... I've changed for the better, but feel as though I haven't changed enough... Why do I have to change myself for you?... I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT! I'm me and that's all I can be... stop marking me something I'm not... forgive me... though you don't even no what for... I might seem open about my past ,but baby you don't know the half of it. I'm just lonely--everyone's lonely though--I want someone to hold me at night and express their love towards me in ways I can't even do for myself?? What is that called? Intimacy, lust, or is it actually love? I have no idea... but that's nothing new.